Guilt & Sweat

I haven't written anything for a while. I had an amazing summer with my favorite little man! We went to Disney a few times and took him to the aquarium for the first time. Now that I'm back to work, Cole is going to Primrose every day.  I've been feeling guilty about leaving him. I feel so bad when I only get to see him for about three hours a day. Even when I am with him I'm busy with dishes, dinner, bath, etc. The weekends are precious to me now. I am just amazed daily by the things he can do. He's walking all over, opening doors and saying new sounds. I love that he is actually learning something at his preschool. In general I feel like I'm pretty good at this whole "mom" thing. However, I'm still not ready to even think about doing it again. Partly because recently I've been very focused on losing weight. Since April I've lost 27 pounds and 3 clothing sizes! I am feeling more like myself than I have in a long time. I still have 23 pounds to go to be at a healthy weight for my height. I'm really excited to reach my goal, but it is very hard work! I get compliments all the time now, and it really helps. My cousin Ginnie has also struggled with her weight, and has been trying hard to lose it. Even though she lives in another state, we are trying to keep each other motivated. It is so nice to have someone to turn to when I'm feeling weak. Sadly I have a serious chocolate problem and I milk those 1200 calories a day. Did you know that 33 milk chocolate chips are 70 calories? Oh yeah, I've got this diet thing down. I'm pretty sure I'd be losing weight a lot faster if I weren't eating any sweets, but let's be serious, that's not happening. Cutting out Grey Goose would help too. HAHAHAHAHA! Right.

Number One

My kid is ONE! I don't think it has quite sunk in yet. I mean, I'm still getting used to being called a mom. Like some days I look in the mirror and think, "When did this happen? How am I a MOM?" Also I'm thinking, "Whose body is this? Can I trade it in please?" Anyway, today we went to Cole's preschool that he will be attending when I go back to work. I took him in to play with the kids and get a feel for the teachers. It's a very nice place and right down the street from my school. Regardless, I am NOT looking forward to leaving him! I'm trying not to think about it until I have to. Moving on, we are having an excellent summer! Cole's first birthday party is Saturday, and we are super excited! Also, I found out that I am going to be Team Leader this year. That means more responsibility, but I'm excited about it. :) In other news, Cole stayed the night out for the first time recently. We left him with my parents and John took me on a date that he planned himself! It was a lot of fun, but I really missed my little dude. We want to do it at least once a month. I'm sure it gets easier. Right?

Where Shopping Is A Pleasure

Let's talk about Publix. I love it. I shop there all the time. I understand that they are friendly and want to help you to your car. However, I CAN NOT STAND when these people grab my cart with my kid in it and try to push it. Um, no, you're not pushing my kid stranger! Maybe I'm just crazy or something, but I would think the polite thing to do would be to ASK FIRST. UGH! Ok, I'm done. :)

Rock A Bye Baby

I have a theory. Bad things don't happen to people because they are "good" or "bad".  Bad things happen to stupid people. Careless people who leap before looking. The ones that don't plan for every eventuality. This is why I am careful. Why I plan ahead. Why I weigh the consequences before making a decision. Tonight I was stupid. I didn't think. I wasn't careful. I was changing Cole's diaper and talking to John on my cell. I noticed something white in his poo, so I turned to look at his diaper under the light next to me. Three seconds. That's how long it took for him to fall. When I heard the smacking sound, I turned and he was on his back right next to me. Screaming. I can't even explain in words the horrible feeling of seeing your baby that upset and not knowing what exactly happened. Needless to say, I immediately called the pediatrician. I'm pretty sure he just got the wind knocked out of him. I have woken him twice since he fell asleep and he seems fine. He was acting completely normal all night. However, that doesn't change the fact that I am an idiot, and I feel like the worst mother ever. He could have broken his neck. I know accidents happen, but this one was my fault, and that is unacceptable. Am I being overly dramatic about it? Probably. Everyone will say, it was an accident, it happens, I once dropped a baby on it's head, yada, yada. That doesn't matter to me. This is my child. Possibly the only one I will have. So yeah, I'm over reacting, because I hate stupid people, and tonight I was one of them.

All By Myself

I love my husband. He works very hard for us. But I really hate his job sometimes. He recently started a rather large job at an apartment complex in Largo. Normally, he takes the baby to my mom's everyday and then goes to work. That means he has been getting up super early to make it to Largo and get this job done. The people at the complex were really nice and offered him an apartment to stay in while he's working there. So now he will be staying there four nights a week. Which wouldn't be too bad, except the other days that he stays here he has other jobs to do. That means he ends up working seven days a week. While I understand that this is necessary for our future and what not, it totally sucks. So here I sit all alone, just me and my lap top. ;)

Going The Distance

I'm a little disappointed in myself. I did not do as well in the Gasparilla 5k as I wanted to. What really makes me mad is that I finished 3 minutes faster at the one I ran just two weeks ago! There is no excuse for it. However, it was hot, three of my toes went numb (time for new shoes), and I'm sick. So maybe there are some excuses. Hee hee. In other news, Cole got his big boy car seat! I absolutely love it and so does he! We took a trip to Whole Foods today and he was passed out. Speaking of Whole Foods, it was my first time there. I know, I know. Miss Organic has never been to Whole Foods? Crazy right? It's just so FAR. John actually sent me to get him some specific oranges. Anyway, this place is amazing! They have everything! Luckily I printed some coupons before I went because it's not cheap. I don't think I'll be making it down there very often, but it is a nice option. :)

My Prerogative

The next person that asks me when I'm going to have another baby is going to get punched in the face. Why do people assume that just because you have one child, you automatically want another? Is there a law against only having one child? My son is seven months old. SEVEN! He hasn't even been here for as long as I carried him. Is it so crazy that someone would want to just enjoy their new baby? Take time to adjust to life as a family? It just amazes me that even when I clearly tell people that, no, I am not going to be popping out another human any time soon, they STILL KEEP ASKING! My favorite is, "well, when Cole has a little sister...". First of all, dropping it in our conversation as if it's a done deal just makes you sound stupid. Fun fact, there is only a 50/50 chance that Cole will have a little sister. STOP JINXING ME! I am not saying that I don't want another baby, MAYBE, POSSIBLY, SOMEDAY. And by someday, I mean at least a year from now! Really, I haven't decided. There are many contributing factors to my decision. Such as my age, my two blood clotting disorders, injections, money, etc , etc. The point is, having a child is a BIG decision that should not be rushed into. It's also a personal decision. So, I will be taking my sweet time, enjoying my son and discussing the possibility of another baby, with my husband, who actually gets a vote.