Cry Me a River

I have lots of experience with kids. My brother is almost nine years younger than me. I spent a ton of time babysitting him and my cousins. As the oldest grandchild, it was pretty much my job. Our family has always produced independent, unspoiled children. So when my mother told me the other day that my kid is spoiled, I was shocked. How could my perfect little boy already be spoiled? The problem is, Cole has not been left to cry himself to sleep. He usually falls asleep while nursing, or I rock him. I know this is horrible and I should just let him cry. I never had any trouble walking away and shutting the door when it was my brother or cousins crying. How hard can it be right? Yeah, well, they weren't my kids. I had tried a few times to just let him cry and every time I caved. Until last night. I put him in the crib and turned down the monitor. Then I proceeded to start crying myself. Yep, I cried because I felt horrible. What if he thinks I abandoned him? It's ridiculous, I know, but it physically hurts me when he cries. However, I did it. Two nights in a row now! Luckily he only cries for about ten minutes. I know I will thank myself later. I guess I just wasn't ready for my little baby to be old enough to manipulate me.