Holiday Greetings!

Free digital ecard personalized with Smilebox

Think It Over

           Let's pretend the world is ending, and you only have two weeks to live. I'm not saying it is, I'm just saying, if it were. Which it could be. This thought crossed my mind as I was running this morning. What do you do, just go about your business? Then I was thinking about people who get sick, and really only have X amount of time to live.  I'm pretty sure I would just spend every second I could with my baby, and just like, live at Disney or something.
         Running gives me time to think, and this morning I realized I think about some weird stuff. For instance, building endurance to run from zombies. This may have something to do with my recent obsession with The Walking Dead. Today when I was feeling tired during my run, I used this as motivation to keep going. Here's an example of my thoughts while running:

 "Ugh, I don't know if I'm gonna make it five miles."
 "But if I keep going, I'm building endurance to outrun the zombies."
 "I need to remember to go buy some more matches for our emergency bag."
 "I wonder if it will be cold next weekend for the race."
 "I need new running socks."
 "Ugh, my knee is hurting."
 "Keep going, keep going."
 "Those woods look creepy. I could totally see a zombie popping out of there."
 "Ugh, my ankle hurts."
 "Keep going, keep going."
 "I really need to finish grading those essays."
 "Geez it's foggy."
 "I should have worn a shirt with sleeves."
 "I don't think I could run this far in the summer."
 "Am I sweating, or just covered in fog?"

   See, random, and weird. I guess all thoughts are that way, I just never really think about what I'm thinking. That sounds confusing. Anyway, I've got to go watch some more Walking Dead.

Pour Some Sugar On Me

Last night John and I went on a dinner cruise with his family. It was so much fun! If you haven't done it, you definitely should. The food was great, the weather was perfect, and we did a little dancing too! I only wish it were longer.  So lately I've been feeling super stressed out. I may have taken on too much this year, and I should probably learn to say NO to people. It may be a control issue. A lot of times I feel like if I don't do things myself, they won't be done right. One of the fun things on my "To Do" list got checked off today; I threw a baby shower for my cousin. I had such a great time planning it, and I'm really happy with the way everything turned out.  Next up is our staff Christmas Party for work! Now if I could only get someone to PAY me to plan a party. I mean really, if I could just plan parties and sell jewelry, I would.  Here are some pictures of the shower!

Fighter

It's no secret that I have struggled with my weight over the years. The truth is, no matter how high the scale gets, I always feel like a skinny girl trapped in a big body.  I look in the mirror and think, "Is this what I really look like?" None of us can truly know how others see us, and I honestly I don't care. My only concern, and it took years to get to this place, is for my health.  I want to be healthy for myself, and for my son. He deserves a mother who sets a healthy example when it comes to eating and exercise.  So far I've lost 33 pounds. This means I only have 17 more pounds to reach my goal weight! I've reached the point where I am excited to be so close to my goal, but frustrated in how long it is taking to get there.  I know it is partly my fault. There are days when I don't make it to the gym, or I eat some extra calories, and then I get mad at myself.  There's a constant internal battle going on. When I really CAN'T get to the gym because I have 7 million other things to do, I run at home, or I workout on a day I normally wouldn't.  I even workout when we go on trips! These things make me feel so good about myself. When I choose a salad instead of fries, I feel good. When I only eat half of a giant portion at a restaurant, I feel good. It's like a complete change in the way I view food. I feel like I'm winning the war, but the tiny battles every day are exhausting.  Another problem I've had is the reaction of other people. Obviously I've gotten tons of sweet compliments from friends and family, whether they've seen pictures or actually seen me in person.  The problem is when I hear, "What do you mean you need to lose 17 more pounds?!" or "You're too skinny, you shouldn't loose anymore." Then I have to explain that there is a healthy weight range for every height. I am only 5' 4.5! My goal weight is smack in the middle of the healthy weight range for my height. I just wish people would just say, "Good for you, way to go!", and leave it at that.

The other day I was thinking about will power, there may have been a mini snickers involved, and I had a very interesting thought; I have will power. If you had asked me a few years ago if I had will power, I would have laughed, blown smoke in your face, and said no. This January will be four years since I quit smoking. I didn't use patches, or gum, or hypnotism. I just quit. After 15 years of smoking a pack a day. It pisses me off when people tell me they can't quit smoking. Bull shit. You can, you just don't want to. I also gave birth with no epidural. It pissed me off when people told me I couldn't do it. Guess what? You were wrong, and you're all a bunch of whiney babies. When I started this diet I felt like I would never lose weight, like I would never be able to get anywhere near the weight I wanted.  So the other day, as I was standing on the scale, wishing it were lower, I finally realized I DO have will power. I realized that I WILL reach my goal weight. I WILL do anything I set my mind to, because I'm a fighter.

Guilt & Sweat

I haven't written anything for a while. I had an amazing summer with my favorite little man! We went to Disney a few times and took him to the aquarium for the first time. Now that I'm back to work, Cole is going to Primrose every day.  I've been feeling guilty about leaving him. I feel so bad when I only get to see him for about three hours a day. Even when I am with him I'm busy with dishes, dinner, bath, etc. The weekends are precious to me now. I am just amazed daily by the things he can do. He's walking all over, opening doors and saying new sounds. I love that he is actually learning something at his preschool. In general I feel like I'm pretty good at this whole "mom" thing. However, I'm still not ready to even think about doing it again. Partly because recently I've been very focused on losing weight. Since April I've lost 27 pounds and 3 clothing sizes! I am feeling more like myself than I have in a long time. I still have 23 pounds to go to be at a healthy weight for my height. I'm really excited to reach my goal, but it is very hard work! I get compliments all the time now, and it really helps. My cousin Ginnie has also struggled with her weight, and has been trying hard to lose it. Even though she lives in another state, we are trying to keep each other motivated. It is so nice to have someone to turn to when I'm feeling weak. Sadly I have a serious chocolate problem and I milk those 1200 calories a day. Did you know that 33 milk chocolate chips are 70 calories? Oh yeah, I've got this diet thing down. I'm pretty sure I'd be losing weight a lot faster if I weren't eating any sweets, but let's be serious, that's not happening. Cutting out Grey Goose would help too. HAHAHAHAHA! Right.

Number One

My kid is ONE! I don't think it has quite sunk in yet. I mean, I'm still getting used to being called a mom. Like some days I look in the mirror and think, "When did this happen? How am I a MOM?" Also I'm thinking, "Whose body is this? Can I trade it in please?" Anyway, today we went to Cole's preschool that he will be attending when I go back to work. I took him in to play with the kids and get a feel for the teachers. It's a very nice place and right down the street from my school. Regardless, I am NOT looking forward to leaving him! I'm trying not to think about it until I have to. Moving on, we are having an excellent summer! Cole's first birthday party is Saturday, and we are super excited! Also, I found out that I am going to be Team Leader this year. That means more responsibility, but I'm excited about it. :) In other news, Cole stayed the night out for the first time recently. We left him with my parents and John took me on a date that he planned himself! It was a lot of fun, but I really missed my little dude. We want to do it at least once a month. I'm sure it gets easier. Right?

Where Shopping Is A Pleasure

Let's talk about Publix. I love it. I shop there all the time. I understand that they are friendly and want to help you to your car. However, I CAN NOT STAND when these people grab my cart with my kid in it and try to push it. Um, no, you're not pushing my kid stranger! Maybe I'm just crazy or something, but I would think the polite thing to do would be to ASK FIRST. UGH! Ok, I'm done. :)

Rock A Bye Baby

I have a theory. Bad things don't happen to people because they are "good" or "bad".  Bad things happen to stupid people. Careless people who leap before looking. The ones that don't plan for every eventuality. This is why I am careful. Why I plan ahead. Why I weigh the consequences before making a decision. Tonight I was stupid. I didn't think. I wasn't careful. I was changing Cole's diaper and talking to John on my cell. I noticed something white in his poo, so I turned to look at his diaper under the light next to me. Three seconds. That's how long it took for him to fall. When I heard the smacking sound, I turned and he was on his back right next to me. Screaming. I can't even explain in words the horrible feeling of seeing your baby that upset and not knowing what exactly happened. Needless to say, I immediately called the pediatrician. I'm pretty sure he just got the wind knocked out of him. I have woken him twice since he fell asleep and he seems fine. He was acting completely normal all night. However, that doesn't change the fact that I am an idiot, and I feel like the worst mother ever. He could have broken his neck. I know accidents happen, but this one was my fault, and that is unacceptable. Am I being overly dramatic about it? Probably. Everyone will say, it was an accident, it happens, I once dropped a baby on it's head, yada, yada. That doesn't matter to me. This is my child. Possibly the only one I will have. So yeah, I'm over reacting, because I hate stupid people, and tonight I was one of them.

All By Myself

I love my husband. He works very hard for us. But I really hate his job sometimes. He recently started a rather large job at an apartment complex in Largo. Normally, he takes the baby to my mom's everyday and then goes to work. That means he has been getting up super early to make it to Largo and get this job done. The people at the complex were really nice and offered him an apartment to stay in while he's working there. So now he will be staying there four nights a week. Which wouldn't be too bad, except the other days that he stays here he has other jobs to do. That means he ends up working seven days a week. While I understand that this is necessary for our future and what not, it totally sucks. So here I sit all alone, just me and my lap top. ;)

Going The Distance

I'm a little disappointed in myself. I did not do as well in the Gasparilla 5k as I wanted to. What really makes me mad is that I finished 3 minutes faster at the one I ran just two weeks ago! There is no excuse for it. However, it was hot, three of my toes went numb (time for new shoes), and I'm sick. So maybe there are some excuses. Hee hee. In other news, Cole got his big boy car seat! I absolutely love it and so does he! We took a trip to Whole Foods today and he was passed out. Speaking of Whole Foods, it was my first time there. I know, I know. Miss Organic has never been to Whole Foods? Crazy right? It's just so FAR. John actually sent me to get him some specific oranges. Anyway, this place is amazing! They have everything! Luckily I printed some coupons before I went because it's not cheap. I don't think I'll be making it down there very often, but it is a nice option. :)

My Prerogative

The next person that asks me when I'm going to have another baby is going to get punched in the face. Why do people assume that just because you have one child, you automatically want another? Is there a law against only having one child? My son is seven months old. SEVEN! He hasn't even been here for as long as I carried him. Is it so crazy that someone would want to just enjoy their new baby? Take time to adjust to life as a family? It just amazes me that even when I clearly tell people that, no, I am not going to be popping out another human any time soon, they STILL KEEP ASKING! My favorite is, "well, when Cole has a little sister...". First of all, dropping it in our conversation as if it's a done deal just makes you sound stupid. Fun fact, there is only a 50/50 chance that Cole will have a little sister. STOP JINXING ME! I am not saying that I don't want another baby, MAYBE, POSSIBLY, SOMEDAY. And by someday, I mean at least a year from now! Really, I haven't decided. There are many contributing factors to my decision. Such as my age, my two blood clotting disorders, injections, money, etc , etc. The point is, having a child is a BIG decision that should not be rushed into. It's also a personal decision. So, I will be taking my sweet time, enjoying my son and discussing the possibility of another baby, with my husband, who actually gets a vote.

Walking On Sunshine

I feel...happy. Like positive.  It's weird. I used to be stressed and disgruntled. Now I'm just happy. Like even things that would normally make me super pissed at work, don't matter anymore. Then I get home and it's just total bliss. I have this amazing husband who cooks me dinner every night and is the best dad ever. And this wonderful little boy who is the most adorable baby in the entire universe. I mean the kid is always happy. Like ALWAYS. I think it's contagious. That must be it! His endless joy has rubbed off on me. You're probably thinking, well duh, of course you're happy. And I get that it sounds silly. I'm not saying I wasn't happy before, it's just complete happiness now. Like in every facet of my life. It's the best feeling ever. Don't get me wrong, I'm still a pessimist and worst case scenario extraordinaire, but now, when I say things like, "My head hurts, it's probably a blood clot," I do it with a smile. :)

Born To Run

I think I mentioned in a previous post that I will be running the Gasparilla 5k on March 3rd. I'm super excited, as this is my first 5k since having the baby. So I have been running about every other day. Today I ran two miles! This might not sound like much, but I haven't done it in over a year. Obviously I need to do 3.1 for the race, but I'm better under pressure. So I think I'll be sticking to two miles for a few weeks. My cousin has taken up running recently, and she's already up to four miles! I'm not sure I'll ever get past three. In an effort to continue my weight loss, I'm trying to cut down on sweets. The other day I realized that I'm addicted to chocolate. Not quite as bad as I was with cigarettes, but I'm pretty sure I replaced cigarettes with chocolate. When we don't have chocolate in the house I kind of panic. Which is what used to happen when I ran out of cigarettes. It's not quite as bad, since I don't immediately go buy chocolate, but it could be a problem. Tonight I had strawberries for dessert. They would have been better dipped in chocolate. Yay for me.

That'll Be The Day

There is something to be said for "the good old days".  Recently I've been thinking about how much I wish I could be home with Cole.  Don't get me wrong, I like having a purpose and somewhere to go every day. It's just that I feel like my purpose has changed. Before Cole I was molding the youth, changing the world one bratty pre teen at a time. Now, I have a son to raise! THAT should be my purpose, and yet here I sit, while my son grows up at Grandma's. (Side note: I am fully aware that going to Grandma's every day is the BEST situation ever! We are SO lucky!) I recognize that being a teacher is an ideal career for child rearing. I get weekends, holidays and summers with him. Plus I'm home by four every day. Really I'm getting more time with him than many other working Moms.  So why do I still feel guilty?  I think this feeling is natural and it makes me wonder.  Do I feel guilty because I am meant to stay home? As a female am I just wired for it? Did our grandparents have it right? Are we really better off now?  Let's not get crazy, of course women deserve equal rights, equal pay, etc. I firmly believe a women should be able to support herself through gaining an education and establishing a career. However, what if after that, you just want to be a Mom for a while? Is that so bad? Isn't it worth cutting out the excess expense to make it happen? So what if I have to watch True Blood on DVD instead of paying for HBO? I would be willing to make the sacrifices, if it were that simple. I just don't want to end up hurting someone because I am annoyed when it comes to this topic. Like when someone uses the acronym SAHM (stay at home mom) when talking about themselves. I want to punch the SAHM in the face! Also, please don't complain about how you have to go back to work after staying home with your kid for a year! No one feels sorry for you. At the end of the day, we all do the best we can. (well, most of us) My point is, maybe this liberated woman stuff isn't all it's cracked up to be. ;)

Electric Avenue

I'm in love... with a computer. At my previous school I was given a MacBook Pro laptop. Then I changed schools and had to give my laptop back. It was a very sad day. I mean I actually considered the fact that I would have to give up this laptop when deciding whether or not to change schools. That's how much I loved it. So imagine my excitement when I was told that my current school would be receiving MacBook Pros this year. Just when I thought this job couldn't get any better! Fast forward to today, when I received my new laptop fresh out of the box. Actually, I got the box too. Anyway, it also has the new Lion operating system, which is SO fun. Needless to say I am a very happy girl. :)

The Kids Aren't Alright

As a teacher I am exposed to all types of children. After ten years in this profession, I still find myself wondering why. Why do these kids have such horrible parents? Why do I even bother coming to work? More than anything now that I have a child of my own I think, what can I do to NOT have my kid turn out this way. What did these parents do that I can avoid? I have to remind myself daily that these children are not responsible for their horrible parents and I shouldn't take it out on them. It is not their fault that no one disciplines them. It is not their fault that their parents ignore them, or spoil them, or do everything for them. So where do these parents go wrong? Let's be clear that when I say parents, I am referring to about 75% of parents. Not all of them. There are still well adjusted, well behaved kids out there. They are just the minority. So, do we blame society? Do we blame the media? Or do we as parents start taking responsibility for raising our children? I can tell you for sure that your child's teacher is sick of doing it for you! Obviously there have always been bad parents with bad children. I just feel like it is getting worse and worse. Every day I spend with these kids makes me more committed to raising a well behaved, RESPECTFUL, young man.

She's Got Legs

My newest pet peeve is leggings. Or more specifically, females wearing them incorrectly. Working in a middle school, I see all kinds of fashion mistakes.  This is understandable since these little girls are just getting their bearings when it comes to choosing their own ensembles. Sometimes, they get it right. More often, they are oh so wrong. But that's OK. They're young and have time to learn and change. We all remember the ridiculous things we wore in middle school. What really bothers me are the grown women out there making the same mistakes as a twelve year old. Ladies, leggings and tights are meant to be worn UNDER your clothing. Think of them like you would a pair of pantyhose. I mean, how hard is it to cover your butt? Now I understand there are exceptions. Maybe you are wearing some very thick leggings to work out in. The gym would be an acceptable place for these. Possibly you have a pair of thick and shiny leggings that you would wear to a club with a longer shirt. OK, I'll let that slide. But if these two situations do not apply to you, then you need to go home and put some clothes on. I do not want to see every detail of your lower anatomy. I feel embarrassed for you that you left the house with no pants on. I found a very simple Do's & Don'ts guide from Ladies Home Journal, that may be helpful.

Dos and Don'ts

When wearing leggings, there are some dos and don'ts that can mean the difference between fashion plate and fashion victim.
Do layer leggings under pieces that are long enough to cover your behind.
Don't wear leggings with short tops. Think of them as tights, not stretchy pants.
Do keep it simple: Black leggings are the most elegant, and they match everything.
Don't choose leggings in bright colors or wild patterns unless you're a teenager. Neutral shades are much more sophisticated and flattering.
Do choose a length that flatters. "Be sure to pick a pair that stops at the thinnest part of your calf," advises Misty Elliot, spokesperson for Spanx. "For most women, leggings look best in longer lengths."
Don't wear leggings that stop above the middle of the calf: This faux pas makes legs look shorter.

I Think I Love You

My mom is OCD. She LOVES cleaning. Especially vacuuming. Now anyone who lives in a super clean house their whole life is bound to pick up some of these traits. I do like a clean house, but I am not even close to her level of crazy. Until now. This Christmas my mom asked for, wait for it, a vacuum. My dad, being a genius, bought me one too. This vacuum is no joke. It has all kinds of attachments, it comes apart in multiple ways, it does tile, wood, carpet AND you can control the amount of suction! It's amazing! Oh, I almost forgot, it swivels! The list goes on. If I could marry this vacuum, I probably would. I am in love with it. John may get booted. Anyway, here it is, the most glorious vacuum ever. The Shark Navigator Lift Away Professional. Get one.

Lets Get Physical

My body is gross. Like I look at myself and think, "I would not be attracted to this". Now that the baby is 6 months old it's time to get serious about losing weight. I gained 20 pounds with him and that was gone within the first 6 weeks. Obviously, being pleasantly plump to begin with, I didn't need to gain too much while pregnant. That's all great and everything, but I've only lost about 3 extra pounds after the initial 20. At least I'm not gaining any. Unfortunately, that's probably from the breastfeeding, which will not last forever. So, I've signed up to run the 5k at Gasparilla. I really miss running and this will be my first race since I got pregnant. Some of the girls at work who have never done it before will be running it as well, which makes it more fun. So, it's time to get my butt in gear. I only ran twice last week. I'm currently sitting on the couch trying to motivate myself to go run in the cold. I'm super pissed that I washed (yeah, like in the washing machine) my cell phone today and now I don't have my cardio trainer app! However, I can't use that as an excuse to be a lazy slob. So I guess I'll get off my butt and go. But I'm rewarding myself with some vodka later. ;)

Cry Me a River

I have lots of experience with kids. My brother is almost nine years younger than me. I spent a ton of time babysitting him and my cousins. As the oldest grandchild, it was pretty much my job. Our family has always produced independent, unspoiled children. So when my mother told me the other day that my kid is spoiled, I was shocked. How could my perfect little boy already be spoiled? The problem is, Cole has not been left to cry himself to sleep. He usually falls asleep while nursing, or I rock him. I know this is horrible and I should just let him cry. I never had any trouble walking away and shutting the door when it was my brother or cousins crying. How hard can it be right? Yeah, well, they weren't my kids. I had tried a few times to just let him cry and every time I caved. Until last night. I put him in the crib and turned down the monitor. Then I proceeded to start crying myself. Yep, I cried because I felt horrible. What if he thinks I abandoned him? It's ridiculous, I know, but it physically hurts me when he cries. However, I did it. Two nights in a row now! Luckily he only cries for about ten minutes. I know I will thank myself later. I guess I just wasn't ready for my little baby to be old enough to manipulate me.

Sunday Bloody Sunday

Warning: Males may want to stop reading this immediately. :)

I am sad to report that after one year and four months (other than the first few weeks after delivery) my period is back with a vengeance. As I was totally unprepared for this occurrence, due to my complete denial of it ever happening again, my poor (amazing) husband had to go out and buy the proper supplies. I've heard that having a baby may help with the symptoms of Endometriosis. So far it seems to be true. So that's a perk!
Cole is finally sleeping through the night. Well, as much as a breastfed baby does anyway. He usually gets up around 3 to have a quick snack and then goes right back to sleep. He gets a little squirmy sometimes because of his teeth, but other than that he is doing great. Being on vacation has been amazing. I am catching up on months of lost sleep. Being home with him is so wonderful. Going back to work on Monday is going to be tough. I can't believe he is almost 6 months old!